What’s the Matter with the Guinness?

My favourite tipple disappeared from the shelves briefly then came back in a new strip. Probably I am just paranoid. That new Guinness is suspect. It could well be Milk Stout in a Guinness scarf. Or someone got busy at the cooking. It does not look right either. They might have wanted more of the ladies on the Guinness tipple with that foil but the bottle top got in the way. It tears badly on opening leaving scraps of foil threatening to jump into the mug.

There is no drinking straight from the bottle. If they meant to have us peel off the foil as chocolate lovers do, they failed miserably. The foil on the chocolate does not stick. The Guinness foil leaves a greasy mark where the glue spread. The mark on the bottle is unsavoury. Just looking at it makes you want to wipe the bottle clean. That is not how to enjoy your tipple.

Beer, Beer everywhere why not a drink for me?

If there is anything that must come between me and my Guinness it is the chill on the bottle- nothing else. I like it when the label peels off easily revealing the dark stuff easily. I always peel off the labels. It is a ritual. An Australian girl once told me it was a sign of sexual frustration. She probably meant I was sexually starved. I have had some since but still peel off the labels. It is good to see clearly what you are drinking. Preferably this should be before you partake.

Now Guinness have gone ahead to put too many labels on one bottle. Seriously, they probably have something to hide. Is it that the coat is too white? I like to judge the health of my bottle by peering at the froth. In the Guinness bottle there is always a golden cloud threatening to spill over. With beer trucked in from Nairobi, it takes a long, long time before the agitation in a Guinness bottle dies down. Upon opening it inevitably spills over. Some people say that is perfectly in order- our African ancestors thrive on the overflowing cup. It is a form of libation.

Lately, my Guinness has been too shy. It does not froth as eagerly as it used to. I have already mentioned the rather white coat.  There is something in the taste that is gone too. The bite in the bitterness is gone. There was something almost acidic in that bite. That is replaced with an almost milky sourness. It seats too comfortably on my palate. There’s not much adjustment my tongue has to do. The drink is too friendly. I have no use for the contortions in my face anymore. These are written by the many hard swallows I have had to make to enjoy my Guinness.

Enjoying Guinness is an art. You have to develop the liking for it. It does not come naturally. Once developed you are hooked. Now Guinness wants me to unlearn the art. If they changed to a new well they had better go back to the old one. If it ran dry, they had better go in search of new water. That is not how to make Guinness- sour instead of bitter. They will surely lose me. The ordinary lagers are better at making sour than the average stout.

I know good business sense requires fiddling with the product at times. Beer sales may not be in favour of the old but fiddling with the product to appeal to new customers alone is not wise. I know Guinness will be happier if as many women as men drink their product. I would happier if they came up with beautiful new mixes to go with the Guinness. I did not expect them to go ahead and mix it up for all of us. My tongue is very conservative.

If the goal is to reach the younger drinker, they could well explore sexier endorsements. I know Guinness is big with the football but that is a man’s world. It’s also sports and not very big with the young and sexy. They can fiddle with the bottle to make it catchy or go into showbiz to get the young drinking. What they should not do is change the recipe! Hmmm..... I will have to wash the tongue of the old taste- or get used to the new Guinness  look!